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October 4, 2006

Dorm Janitor Tired of Needless Pre-Flushing

By Billy Pilgrim, Codependent Collegian Rogue Editor

Martinez happily mopping another pile of puke

(Vermillion, SD)—University of South Dakota custodian Jose Martinez takes his job seriously: he never arrives late, he always keeps his cart fully stocked, and he never shies away from even the most gruesome displays of human filth.

However, an increasing trend among male students to ‘pre-flush’—flushing before any release occurs—has challenged Martinez’s patience and has sown the seeds of resentment on this sleepy, rural campus.

“Why flush before the pee?” Martinez philosophically intoned while wiping flecks of toothpaste spittle from a restroom mirror. “Some these guys flush two times, pee, and then no flush again. Is crazy.”

Martinez has considered the possibility that pre-flushing helps in awkward moments of silence when personal flow becomes an issue, but maintains that the wasteful act has become dangerously popular, and is not limited to such situations.

“Yeah, ok—another guy comes in, all quiet and stuff, I understand that. Pre-flush to get rhythm back,” Martinez admitted. “But explain this: some these guys pre-flush in stall, poop, and leave without real flush or hand wash. Who teaches pooping? Is crazy.”

Martinez’s newest fear is that the university will hold its custodial staff responsible for the increase in water usage, a burden the 5-year veteran passionately resents.

“Pretty soon, I have to hang ‘out of order’ sign on working stuff—urinals and sinks—to save the waters,” Martinez lamented. “These guys don’t…don’t appreciate things matter most. Water is life, you know? Is crazy.”

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