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October 8, 2006

All His Teams Win, but College Football Fan "Still Depressed"

Depressed football fan (Dayton, OH) Victories by Ohio Sate, Louisville, and West Virginia - all favorites of admitted college football "insaniac" Chris Jackman - brought the 26-year-old little solace.

"I don't understand it - all of my teams won," he said, looking over at a blank community college enrollment application. "And yet I sit here on the couch feeling even worse about myself - and life - than I did before College Football Saturday. It wasn't supposed to be this way."

The unemployed millwright said that he took great pains to ensure his football viewing was "totally primo."

"We had iced beer, lots of munchies, and the pizza arrived right on time," he recalled, eating a handful of leftover Chex Mix. "But after the last game ended, I still feel a sense of unfulfillment, like there's more out there. I just don't get it."

Left: Buckeyes win, but Jackman still blue

Jackman said that he even left a "kind of weird" message on the voice mail of his ex-girlfriend Lindsay late last night after the last ESPN-2 game.

"I hope that she's not like freaked out or anything, because I was kind of rambling," he admitted, looking off down the street. "I vowed I would never call her after she left me, but it was like I needed some human contact, you know? You would think that watching 100,000 people cram a stadium for a big game like OSU-BGSU would be enough, but it's like there's something missing in my life. At least there's always another Saturday, right?"

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