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September 14, 2006

Professor Admits He's "Mostly Phoned It In" for Over 20 Years

Old professorLeft: Redefining slackage

(East Lansing, MI) Economics professor Melvin Stockwell confided to Codependent Collegian reporters that he hasn't exactly been the most productive member of his department of late.

"In fact, I haven't done a noteworthy thing in a couple of decades," he said, pausing to add a word to a crossword puzzle. "Once I got tenure in 1981 I pretty much started loafing."

Stockwell said that, at first, he was a bit ashamed by his lack of productivity.

"I got over that pretty quickly, though," he said. "One of the best parts of this job is that there's not much the university can do if I don't feel like publishing anything."

Stockwell's lack of enthusiasm carries over to the classroom.

"I haven't updated my overhead slides in about 15 years," he said, holding up a yellowed sheet with the word "Reaganomics" on it. "I'm sure that my students are getting the short end of the stick, but hey - this will teach them not to blindly trust everything they hear."

Old professor and wife golfingLeft: Stockwell's got your lecture prep right here, mister

One of the bright points of his academic career, said Stockwell, is that he does not have to worry about retirement.

"For all intents and purposes I have ceased to work anyways," he said. "I have TAs do all the grading and discussions, and about the only work I do is to cash my paycheck. Why would I want to leave a good gig like this?"

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