Codependent Collegian

By Billy Pilgrim, Codependent Collegian Rogue Editor

Left: McKenzie and Goddard— stroking one another’s beakers?

(Lexington, KY)—The life of a graduate teaching assistant at the University of Kentucky is a thankless, repetitive job, according to Terrance Williams, who splits his time between studying for rigorous seminar courses and helping sophomoric undergraduates complete their lab assignments for Chemistry 101.

This all changed a few short weeks ago, however, when two bodacious co-eds— Alicia McKenzie and Michelle Goddard— started to explicitly flirt with one another in the lab, thus infecting Williams with a recurring fantasy that the pair will “totally dyke out” during his observation time.


“At first I thought: this can’t be happening,” Williams revealed while gingerly rinsing a shoe box full of glass stir-sticks. “I mean, they started to pony-tail each other’s hair and shit like that. I assumed they were in a sorority together, but apparently they met in this class at the beginning of the semester.”

Williams continued to strongly assert that McKenzie and Goddard’s relationship was more than platonic.

“Dude, you wouldn’t believe some of this stuff even if I had it on film,” Williams intoned. “Last week, Alicia reached into Michelle’s pocket to turn her cell phone ringer off — and her hand stayed in there. For 15 minutes. Those two are always closer than a couple of mice in a shot glass."

And despite his fervent self-admonishment, Williams cannot resist the hope that the partners will engage in a “straight-up dyke fest” before the semester ends in December.

“Yesterday they came into Lab 207 during my evening shift,” Williams revealed in a mild whisper. “I mean, I don’t think they even saw me during that first hour —Michelle gave Alicia a fucking backrub because ‘the apron hurt her shoulders.’ Please. These chicks will be naked and finger-blasting on a dissection table before midterms, mark my word.”