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August 4, 2006

Student Recounts Suppressed Flatulence Nightmare

Left: Archer thinking back on repression ordeal

(Ann Arbor, MI) Sophomore engineering student Keith Archer says that he "really doesn't like to offend" others when he feels gastrointestinal gurgling. He was in the University of Michigan's Clements Library last week when he "got the call."

"I thought I would just discreetly go to the men's room and let it rip," he told Codependent Collegian reporters. "But when I got in the john there were like eight other people. No way was I going to drop the bomb in there."

Archer said that he next entered a library elevator to release his "skunk bait."

"Then this chick absolutely dives to get in, and I have to hold it another 30 seconds," he said. "I thought I was going to explode, it was hurting so bad."


Left: Area that became a 'hot zone' after Archer let loose

In desperation, Archer said he made a mad dash for the stairs.

"The coast was clear, and I let that gut grenade fly," he said, visibly shaken. "It reverberated its deadly hydrogen sulfide through the stairwell just as this security guard opened the door. We eyed each other, then he walked away, pretending like the fart never happened. Too weird, man."

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