.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
August 17, 2006

Freshman “Totally Bummed” by Crappy Schedule

Bummed college studentBy Billy Pilgrim, Codependent Collegian Rogue Editor

Longenecker pouting at his favorite watering hole

(Toledo, OH)—Matt Longenecker, an incoming freshman at the University of Toledo, thought it would be a "cinch" to select his fall schedule in August, despite months of procrastination.

However, he was stunned to learn that only a few courses remain open, none of which are in his major.

“I want to be a philosophy major cause, like, I love to analyze how meaningless stuff is,” Longenecker poignantly revealed. “But now I’m stuck taking a criminal justice class for three hours on Monday nights, and a section of freshman comp on Saturdays. I didn’t even know colleges had classes on Saturdays. This is some sort of cosmic joke.”

In order to maintain full-time status, Longenecker had to add some "completely useless" credits.

"I'm taking a 3-credit yoga class and 1-credit courses in wine-tasting, bowling, and meditation," he said, picking at a scab on his arm. "It was either that, or forego that $2,000 financial aid refund I am going to get in October, and I want some spinner rims, so a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, right?"

Arthur SchopenhauerLeft: Let me tell you about visions and colors, dude

Longenecker’s parents, however, do not appear to sympathize with their son’s plight.

“God bless UT,” huffed John Longenecker, 58, an electrical engineer. “They sent my kid at least a dozen letters this summer reminding him to pick his classes, but what did he do? Smoke pot all day and watch reruns of M*A*S*H. Yeah. He’s the next Schopenhauer.”

Comments: Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, Codependent Collegian ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Codependent Collegian ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Codependent Collegian ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Codependent Collegian ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?