Codependent Collegian

(Columbus, OH) Andy Jamison knows that people have negative perceptions about drug dealers, especially those who peddle strong street drugs like methamphetamine.

"Look, man - supply and demand comes into play here," he said. "If it wasn't me, it would have been any number of other dealers stepping up to feed people's demons. I was just another cog in the ice machine."

Jamison recently registered for fall classes at Columbus State Community College, and hopes that he will receive college credit for his life and work portfolio.

"My career moving crystal meth was absolutely stellar, and I was one of the top salesman in the area," he said. "I know a lot about marketing and customer service, and every one of my clients will say I was a straight-up dealer who never shortchanged their asses, even when they were completely zombie-fied."

Jamsion said that he also developed "extensive skills" in chemistry, finance, and other curricular disciplines.

"Face it - they may as well just give me the degree right now," he said. "Meth dealers are jacks-of-all-trades, and we know more about American business and social conditions than just about anyone."

Interviewed by the Codependent Collegian, former customer Melissa Standish agreed that Jamison was a "first rate" dealer.

"Oh yeah, Andy would go the extra mile for you," she said, grinding her teeth and scratching at a bleeding sore. "Some dealers would make you do all sorts of sick stuff if you were broke and wanted some crank, but Andy even wore a condom when I had to trade him a little sumpin-sumpin. Believe me, that's rare these days in a dealer."

Most of all, said Jamison, he hopes that Columbus State will recognize his human resource skills.

"I am basically a people person," he said. "Jackie needs a fix, but has no cash? No problem - I'll front her some meth until the welfare check comes in. It's about taking care of the customer's needs, and that's why I should get a whole boatload of college credits."