.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
July 1, 2006

First-Year Law Student "Totally Convinced" Fireworks Protected Under Second Amendment

Left: "Like, they're constitutional and shit."

(Knoxville, TN) An "in-depth" reading of case law on the Second Amendment leads one University of Tennessee law student to conclude that fireworks are "protected ordinances" under the Constitution.

"The Second Amendment is derivative of the common law right to keep and bear arms, and brother, these 8-ounce Phantom Rockets are definitely 'arms,'" said Matt Morgenthal, a first-year student at UT's College of Law. "I'd hate to be a terrorist on the receiving end of one of these babies."

Morgenthal studied the writings of the Founding Fathers before issuing his opinion on the constitutional protection of fireworks.

"Madison did not invent the right to keep and bear arms when he drafted the Second Amendment--the right was pre-existing at both common law and in the early state constitutions," he said, lighting and firing bottle rockets at his younger brother. "So Tennessee's fireworks laws are, like, way bogus."

Left: Morgenthal's secret emergency defense stash

Dodging his brother's return volley of hand-held Roman candles, Morgenthal continued his analysis.

"The potential connection between the right of self defense and the constitutional protection of a right to keep and bear arms comes to play here," he said, chucking two lit M-80s at his brother. "Should I just have to sit here while Jared torches me with 6-inch reloadable aerial shells? I think not, pal. I have every right to defend myself with all available ordinance, up to and including multiple tube fountains with over 5000 grams of pyrotechnic composition."

Comments: Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, Codependent Collegian ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Codependent Collegian ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Codependent Collegian ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Codependent Collegian ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?