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June 29, 2006

Student Embarassed by Former Sexual Interest in Britney Spears

(Los Angeles, CA) News that a six-month pregnant Britney Spears has posed nude for the cover of the August issue of Harper's Bazaar magazine hit USC sophomore Jon Crowley "very, very hard."

The finance major told the Codependent Collegian that he "can't even stand to look at" his collection of Britney pics any longer.

"I first lusted after Britney when I was a freshman in high school," he mused. "But I can't get images of Kevin Federline and Britney's pregnant fat self out of my head when I want to fire off a quick load, you know? I can almost smell the afterbirth, and then I totally lose the moment."

Crowley said that "the beginning of the end" for him was the statue The Birth of Sean Preston, which was unveiled in March 2006. It features Spears giving birth in a provocative pose while hunched on all fours and clutching a bearskin rug.

"I mean, come on - what kind of sick freak can get off looking at that shit?" he asked. "Britney looks like an anemic walrus, and who can keep a stiffy with a snarling bear glaring at your dick?"

Left: Crowley can't go there anymore

On the Harper's Bazaar cover, a dark-haired Spears covers her breasts with her arms and crosses her legs at the knee, as she sits smiling into the camera. Crowley, viewing the photo for the first time, said that he might "lose my breakfast AND lunch" if looked any longer.

"That is some twisted material, brother," he said, shaking his head. "It's like they Photoshopped Britney's head onto my fat sister-in-law's body. I mean, if I was really drunk, I could go there, but it would have to be part of some weird debasement fantasy that involved that camp counselor who snuck into my tent in sixth grade."

Comments:
man, she looks ROUGH. and that's with airbrushing. yowzers.
 
I'd hit it. At least she can't get preggo's, right?
 
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