June 17, 2006
Professor Enjoying Time Away From You
(Columbus, OH) The summer sun is shining on his freshly mowed lawn, and Ohio State economics professor Scott Calderone thinks life couldn't be better.
"There was a point last term when I was ready to kick every last student in the ass - hard," he said, clenching his fists. "A person can only take so much stupidity before he cracks."
Calderone said that he had to seek professional help to make it through the quarter.
"My doctor gave me a prescription for Valium to calm me down, and some days I absolutely floated to class," he admitted. "Still, even through the benzodiazepine haze, a few of those idiots managed to push my buttons. One imbecile who never attended class actually came to my office a week before the final to ask for 'special consideration' when I graded because he was 'having issues.'"
Chuckling, Calderone added: "I said I'd 'issue' him a fucking F. That, my friend, was a Kodak moment."
Still, the thought that summer is limited in duration sticks in the back of the professor's mind.
"Some days I wake up in a cold sweat, thinking that it's already fall," he said, looking out the window. "Maybe deep down I just enjoy torturing myself, but I find it harder and harder to get the energy to walk in and face a classroom full of mouth-breathing dolts. Fortuna - thou dost toy with me, ye evil vixen."
