Codependent Collegian

Guest editorial by Mary Lofton, building maintenance specialist

(Austin, TX) I know that you are busy University of Texas students who are going to go on to exciting careers, jobs that I will never get.

Nor will my children, for that matter. Richard can't stop drinking long enough to even apply for a job, Brian is in prison, and my daughter Rebecca spends too much time on her back to bother with studying.

Even so, a little courtesy around this place would go a long way. Remember - we janitors are people, too.

Oh, I know you kids think it's funny to drop a quarter in the urinal, knowing that someone - like me - has to fish it out. Is this supposed to be a tip? If it is, just know that I throw away any money in the urinals - can you imagine having such a nasty thing in your pocket?

And you boys who "pretend" you didn't hear me when I clearly shouted "HOUSEKEEPING" before I went in the rest room? I am not falling for it, and I saw enough undersized penises while my dear husband Albert was still alive, thank you very much. Go expose yourselves out in public where the police can catch you.

Ladies, ladies, ladies - why can't you put those used tampons in the convenient disposal container we provide? Why do you insist on trying to flush those blood-soaked monstrosities down the toilet? If causes a backup in your house, you know it will flood the bathrooms here, right?

And don't even get me going about you sickies who leave your dirty used tampons right on the floor! Jeez - who wants to see or smell that? Did you learn that from your mother? I think not.

I could go on and on, talking about the awful bodily fluids I find in all over the place, but this is a decent sort of magazine. At least that's what the editor said.

So, keep in mind that real people have to clean up after you the next time you want to drop a piece of feces-covered toilet paper on the bathroom floor, or when you think spitting on the mirrors is funny.