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June 9, 2006

Opinion: Hey, You Gotta Lose Your Virginity Sometime

An editorial by Justin K. Blechley

Hey! How's it going, Katie? Looking good in those pink shorts!

Listen: I know you wanted to save yourself for marriage, and that we are not actually going out, but I was wondering if you would like to lose your virginity with me.

Wait - I know that's pretty forward, and totally unexpected, but hear me out. At any moment we could get hit with an nuclear bomb, or be blown to smithereens in a terrorist attack. Would you want to die without ever having experienced real sex?

I know I'm not exactly the most handsome guy on campus, and that I sometimes say some stupid things, like that time in Geography when I called the Appalachians the Alps, or when I said that Dwayne Wade used to be a third baseman for the Red Sox.

Hey, I was drunk.

But I don't have any STDs (at least, none that I know of), I'm here, and I am ready.

Don't walk away! At least give it a thought. I'll be in my dorm thinking about you, so if you want to lose your virginity today, I'm your man.

Just don't wait too long, because I might end up spanking the old plank, if you know what I mean. I can't keep all of this lust inside me forever. American Idol Pirate Bay Macbook Loretta Nall ring tones

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