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June 27, 2006

Marching Band Tryouts Result in “Showcase of Rejects”

By Billy Pilgrim, Codependent Collegian Rogue Editor

Above: "Fags and losers" play their guts out

(Richmond, VA)—Although most college students are relishing their summer vacations, a large body of undergraduate musicians has descended on the campus of Virginia Commonwealth University to begin tryouts for the impending marching band season.

And while most returning upperclassmen have found some semblance of social acceptance among their peers, the incoming freshmen can only be described as “a cavalcade of fags and losers.”

“I’ll tell ya, I’ve seen some real weird kids in my day, but this batch takes the cake,” remarked Dan Unger, Musical Director and Associate Professor of Jazz Composition. “I haven’t seen this many virgins in one place since the last Star Wars movie premiered.”

Student drum major Nick Cuthbert echoed Unger’s sentiments.

“I don’t which is worse, Billy—their acne or their inability to sight-read sheet music,” Cuthbert huffed between drags on his menthol cigarette. “I have a reputation to maintain, ya know? If these kids ruin my chances for a threesome after Homecoming, I’m putting lice in all their uniforms, so help me God.”

I sell band related merchandise and I am starting a new line of band related apparel. I would like to submit a link to you so your readers can look at my band apparel.
Here is the link :
Band Camp & Marching Band Gifts
Also, here is the description to go along with it.
Band camp and Marching band gifts and apparel for all woodwind and brass instruments featuring musical instrument shirts, hats
and apparel for all band instruments. Clarinet, trumpet, trombone, bassoon, oboe, banjo, we have music apparel and band camp gifts for almost all types of marching band instruments and musicians

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