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June 1, 2006

Liz Taylor "Pretty Hot" to Drunken Roommates

(Springfield, IL) University of Illinois-Springfield roommates Justin Harrah and Thomas Snowden, admittedly "blitzed beyond recognition," nonetheless announced to the crowd at Mickey's Pub that actress Elizabeth Taylor - despite her age - looked "pretty hot" on CNN's Larry King Live.

"I swear to God...she...could mmmpppphhhhh," drooled Harrah. "She's old enough to be my.....but I could still nggggmmmm."

Snowden seconded his friend's assessment of the 74-year-old entertainment diva.

"ROCK THE HOUSE! DIS JOINT IS OFF DA HA-ZIZZLE!!" he screamed. "That chick could SO jack my Johnson!"

Nearby patrons, however, believed that excessive alcohol intake may have skewed any ability to render value judgments.

"They said the same shit about Larry King," said Pat Richardson of Grandview. "Both of them are about to get bounced out on their asses if they don't shut up. Soon." American Idol Da Vinci Code Macbook Lordi Friki

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