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June 25, 2006

Fat White Guy Convinced He's the Next Jordan

(Dayton, OH) Mitchell Harriman has a dream, a dream that will not be shot down by "small-minded negative types," he says.

"I will someday wear #23 for the Chicago Bulls, and lead them to multiple NBA titles," he solemnly swore. "Nothing will stand in my way."

Harriman, 24, admits that his athletic résumé is "not so hot."

"I played JV ball in high school, but got cut when I didn't like to run laps," he said. "But I'm not like that anymore. I am willing to do whatever it takes to be the next Michael Jordan, even giving up Twinkies."

Harriman's daily regimen is simple.

"I shoot hoops in my driveway eight hours a day," he said. "I got game, as they say, and I have lost eight pounds in the last month with my exercise regimen. Plus, I am totally schooling my roommate Jacob in the paint."

Left: "Major injury" Harriman sustained last week during driveway workouts

Getting the attention of Bulls coaches, however, has been an "annoying hurdle" for the 5'11" Harriman.

"They have not returned myt calls or emails," he admitted. "But once they see my stuff I know they will come around. There is no way that talent like mine should be allowed to rot, denying the world the glory of the next MJ."

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