.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
June 30, 2006

Dude is Last Earthling to Hear Pink Floyd While Stoned

By Billy Pilgrim, Codependent Collegian Rogue Editor

(Hesston, KS)—Ian Dewey, an incoming freshman at Hesston College, is officially the last human being on earth to experience Pink Floyd’s 1973 opus Dark Side of the Moon while in an altered state of consciousness.

The landmark occasion took place in the basement of the Dewey residence, where the young scholar relocated after graduating from high school in May.

“I started smoking [marijuana] a few weeks ago out of boredom, I guess,” Dewey explained. “Then I was flipping through my dad’s old records—he uses the jacket sleeves to hide porn [from my step-mother]—but I was like, blown away when I saw the cover of Dark Side. The rest, as they say, is history.”

Sadly, Dewey later discovered that his “metaphysical enlightenment” occurred three decades too late.

“I googled Pink Floyd to see if they were playing any Midwest shows this summer, and they’ve fucking broken up,” Dewey lamented. “Lynyrd Skynyrd still tours and like, half of their band died in a goddamn plane crash. What a travesty.”

Determined to overcome this temporal roadblock, Dewey has resolved to improve his spiritual awareness.

“I’ve been blind for so long,” Dewey poignantly remarked. “I’m gonna change for the better. And with the help of some righteous bud, a few Day-Glo posters, and a lava lamp, I can finally connect with the cosmos.”

Comments: Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, Codependent Collegian ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Codependent Collegian ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Codependent Collegian ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Codependent Collegian ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?