.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
May 9, 2006

Sorority Car Wash Ends in Catfight

By Billy Pilgrim, Codependent Collegian Rogue Editor

(Gainsville, FL)— The girls of Delta Phi Omega hoped their week-long car wash would help raise funds for a summer charity program, but sadly the event ended abruptly this morning when an argument between two sisters descended into a slow-motion catfight.

Among the violent acts reported by University of Florida security were blasts from erect hoses, lathering with soapy sponges, and the occasional slap of a wet ass.

“This is a sad day for our institution and for Greek life,” said Tim Owings, a spokesperson for the university. “I hope that by watching the film footage over and over again, my colleagues and I can get to the slippery, taught bottom of this catastrophe.”

Others were not so quick to denounce the situation, however. Many bystanders felt that the raucous behavior bolstered carwash sales and made for a more enjoyable experience.

"I haven’t had a hard-on since my first night in ‘Nam,'" revealed Sgt. Mark Squire, a retired Army infantryman. “But when those girls punched each other on the hood of that Camaro, I got home to Becky faster than a greased pig. It was go time.” Stephen Colbert

Comments: Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, Codependent Collegian ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Codependent Collegian ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Codependent Collegian ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Codependent Collegian ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?