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May 13, 2006

Graduate Hates Having to Work the Same Crappy Starbucks Job

Left: Diploma today, latte tomorrow

(Columbus, OH) Vicky Braun savored her moment on stage collecting her BA in Liberal Studies at Ohio State University, but dreaded the thought of returning to work Sunday at the local Starbuck's outlet.

"Yeah, it was cool waving at my friends and shaking the Dean's hand, but nothing much has changed in my life since graduation," she said, setting down her empty diploma holder. "I have a lousy job, and idiot boyfriend, and $60K in student loans. What, exactly, has all of this been for, and why the hell did Steve schedule me the day after graduation?"

Braun said that "at least two-thirds of the staff" at Starbuck's has a BA or higher degree.

"There are two doctoral students and at least six MFAs working there," she said. "At this rate I'll need an MA just to work the espresso machine for the thousands of yuppie zombies who infest the place."

Job offers, according to Braun, are non-existent.

"I've sent out 100 reumes in the last eight weeks, and only two calls came in," she said. "One was an office temp firm, and the other was the brother of my sorority sister who used my resume as a pretense to ask me to go out with him."

Braun said she is thinking of applying to grad school.

"At least if I stay in school I won't have to pay back the loans," she said. "I can't even make the loan principal on the $300 a week I make pouring froth on Starbuck cappucinos. I swear to God if another anorexic corporate skank comes in there and asks for a "Double Tall Extra Skinny Latte Super Hot To Go" I'm going to pour it down her fully lined pinstripe Sicari pant suit." Karl Rove

I'd hire her!
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