May 1, 2006
(Cambridge, MA) John Kenneth Galbraith, one of the most influential economists of the 20th century, has died at age 97.
Sources close to the late economist, however, provided National Nitwit with heretofore unseen glimpses of the true nature of the liberal icon.
"There's no doubt about it - Ken absolutely hated the poor," said Margo Jennings, a longtime assistant to the Galbraith. "If he saw a homeless guy on the street, you could bet he would raise a fist and shout: "Get a job, lazy-ass!" or something like that."
Despite his egalitarian public personna, another confidante said that Galbraith was quite different in private.
"The dude totally loved day trading," said Jacob Minnick, who maintained Galbraith's IT systems. "In his last years he was like a trading addict, sometimes pulling off 1,000 transactions a day. And I have never seen someone bitch about capital gains taxes as much as Mr. Galbraith."
His disdain for taxes is what prompted one of Galbraith's final acts.
"Ken pulled out about thirty million from his Caymans accounts and had it converted to bearer's bonds," said Jennings. "He instructed us to place them in his casket, because he said God would allow a few select people to take cash with them. Sure hope there's a JP Morgan Chase inside the Pearly Gates." Rush+Limbaugh