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April 8, 2006

Opinion: If Derrick Must Suffer, So Shall You

Guest editorial by Derrick Lingenschnauffer

If Derrick must endure the complete incompetence of his local postman, who insists on putting the neighbor's mail in Derick's postbox, then you must be prepared to handle the look of contempt Derrick gives you when you see him in the Starbucks.

If Derrick must accept that his girlfriend is "way too tired to go out on Thursday," then you must deal with the fact that Derrick has taken two parking spaces and blocked you in at the Circuit City.

If Derrick must listen to the shouts of children as they invade his yard, when all Derrick wants to do is study in peace, then you must be patient with Derrick as he dials your number at three o'clock in the morning and hangs up after a single ring.

If Derrick is not granted an extension by Professor Hodgekiss, then you will be subject to Derrick's flatulence, which he could abate by simply limiting his intake of raw vegetables.

If Derrick has the misfortune of tripping over a crack in the pavement, then you will have to select another bathroom stall, for Derrick's urine will have been sprayed willy-nilly about the one you've opened, and quite possibly beneath the partition, also contaminating the one to your left.

Such is the order of things: if Derrick must suffer, then so shall you.

Comments:
Haha, you know, sometimes people need to suffer a little in order to really appreciate the things they have.
 
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