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April 3, 2006

Drunk Student Admires Booger Collage Atop Urinal

By Billy Pilgrim, Codependent Collegian Rogue Editor

The sacred spot after a Monday morning visit from the janitorial staff

(Gainsville, FL)—After the Florida Gators trounced George Mason on Saturday in the Final Four, junior Dan Williams was in “dire need” of the restroom facilities, having drunk over 13 cans of Miller High Life.

That is when—according to eyewitness reports—he formed an unusual spiritual bond with a booger collage pasted on top of a dormitory urinal.

“I was on cloud nine when we won, and really had to piss,” remarked Williams. “All of a sudden I spot this array of boogers slathered on the urinal. Normally I’d get half sick, but for some reason, it looked totally awesome, kind of Dada-esque.”

And while the bathrooms of Vessey Hall are notorious for their lack of hygienic maintenance, this is not the first time Williams has found beauty among the repulsive while intoxicated.

His close friends recall similar occurrences in recent months, such as the night he photographed a stranger’s vomit on the sidewalk, and the bonfire kegger where he got sidetracked by a rotting deer corpse.

“Dan is a weirdo, straight up,” vented roommate Carl Dobson. “When he drinks, he like, turns into some kind of wacked out artist. If we hadn’t dragged him out of the shitter, I’m sure he would have set up a blank canvas and started a portrait of those boogers.”

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