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March 21, 2006

Student Hasn't Washed Clothes All Semester

(Madison, WI) Through a combination of laziness and money spent on other items, University of Wisconsin sophomore Jake Dresden has managed to avoid washing any of his clothes this term.

"What can I say - I've been busy," said Dresden. "When you've got work, tests, and papers, who the hell even has time to wash clothes?"

Dresden makes use of what he calls "bachelor techniques" to avoid offending people with whom he comes into contact.

"Three of those scented static cling sheets make clothes smell great out of the dryer," he said. "Plus the heat from the dryer has a way of killing the funk."

Another favorite Dresden tactic involves his car.

"If you take clothes and hang them out the window while you drive they start to smell fresher," he said. "Nothing like the cold Wisconsin air through the pine trees to de-skunk a pair of jeans."

Dresden relies on what he calls the "time factor" with items like underwear and socks.

"If you let them alone for a few weeks, the odor-causing bacteria die off," he said. "Sure, they may not be the brightest of whites, but they lose their rankness."

All in all, Dresden said, he has saved over $200 this term on the laundromat and detergent.

"I may not be the freshest rose in Madison, but I have a little money to burn," he said. "If you are outdoors at a bonfire, no one cares, and when you get with a girl you're ditching your clothes anyways, right?"

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