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March 5, 2006

Student Believes Restroom Visit Was "Shangri-la Of Shite"

Left: Scene of the great moment in fecal history

(Buena Vista, VA) Sophomore engineering student Brian Phillips of Southern Virginia University said that his morning "started like any other," but wound up being one of those days that will "change your life."

"I felt a little gut grumbling, and I headed off to the john to take a dump," Phillips recalled. "What I experienced can only be described as the 'Shangri-la of shite,' one of those moments in time when everything in the universe is perfect."

Phillips said that he had been "saving it up for like, two days" before his trip to a dorm restroom.

"I felt at least 20 pounds lighter when it was over," he said. "There is really nothing to compare with the wondrous sense of intestinal void that follows a glorious Brobdingnagian blast like that."

Other members of the SVU dorm were less than eager to share Phillips's evacuatory excitement.

"Jesus-freaking-God-Almighty-help-me!" croaked Jake Borden, who was the next to use the restroom. "What in the name of all that is holy happened in there?"

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