March 10, 2006
By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor
(New York, NY)—Forbes Magazine, America’s leading publication on wealth and wealth maintenance, released their annual compilation of “Richest Fuckers Ever” as part of their enduring affront to working people and the unemployed.
Topping the list was Microsoft founder Bill Gates, whose vast fortune towers at a net worth of over $50 billion.
“Each year, our goal with this special issue is to make the majority of Americans feel pitiful and financially impotent,” stated Steve Forbes, founder and editor-in-chief. “If one or two corporate shills hang themselves due to an unconquerable sense of inadequacy, we’ve done our job.”
Apart from Gates, few of the money moguls included in the study actually earned their wealth, but were rather beneficiaries of vast inheritances.
“I had the unfortunate job of trolling for quotations with this group of pompous bastards,” revealed Mark Stabler, a senior intern at the magazine. “But let me just say this—the sounds of clinking coins and slurping hookers speak for themselves.”