March 9, 2006
(Ypslinati, MI) Eastern Michigan student Kyle Gerhringer shelled out $50 for a Staples "Easy Button," but said that his purchase has been an abject failure.
"My roommate swore by it, but I think I have been ripped off," said a dejected Gerhringer. "I was taking my finance midterm and I brought it out. I kept clicking it, but no answers were to be found."
Compounding the problem for Gerhringer - the professor siezed the device from him and gave him an "F" on the test.
"When she came over to my desk, I started tapping it again to make her go away, or for Mongol hordes to slay her or something," he said. "She started claiming it was some sort of "communications device" or some shit."
Gerhringer said the button should be renamed.
"I'm thinking it should be called "Worthless Piece of Crap" or maybe "This Does Not Work" - something like that," he said. "Those Staples commercials are totally fraudulent, dude."