.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
March 25, 2006

Comp Instructor Finds World's Worst Thoreau Essay

(Columbus, OH) Martin Balinger has taught composition for thirty years. Frequently he assigns Henry David Thoreau's Walden as the basis for an essay, and sometimes the pathetic essays generated by students provoke laughter among he and his colleagues.

A Walden essay turned in by a freshman last week, though, gets Balinger's vote for futility.

"The best part about this particular essay is tht the guy was actually SERIOUS," guffawed Balinger. "I mean, it's one thing when a kid uses the MS-Word thesauus and sticks in a phrase like 'shabbily shawled shoulders,' but this clowns writing is the most inept, pretentious bullshit I have ever read."

Balinger cited a few of his favorite passages.

"Here's a good one: 'Thoreau's thoughtful thinking thoroughly threw me through the threshhold of theory.' I mean, this shit is hilarious!" he howled. "Where the fuck do they come up with this stuff? It's not by mere chance that this student wrote: 'The hushed lake suddenly jumped out at Thoreau like a hungry tiger at a bloody T-bone.'"

Balinger is toying with the idea of contacting the Smithsonian on the writing sample.

"There's bad writing, and then there is Jacob Neimenn," he said of his comp student. "This clown's opus is a composition that will reign as a defining standard of rhetorical incompetence." Ben Domenech

Comments: Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, Codependent Collegian ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Codependent Collegian ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Codependent Collegian ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Codependent Collegian ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?