Codependent Collegian

(Toledo, OH) Grilled beef medallions drizzled with balsamic glaze, served over fettuccine tossed with spinach and gorgonzola-alfredo sauce.

No, this dish isn’t what’s for dinner. For Kenwood Gardens resident Ben Rossi, this is a mere dream.

“Grilled 18-oz choice T-bone brushed with Italian herbs,” read the senior mechanical engineering student as he ate a bowl of Oriental-seasoned Ramen late Thursday night. He then shook his head.

According to apartment sources, the menu appeared in the residence Sunday night, when roommate Kyle Frost returned from a dinner at the chain Italian restaurant with his parents. The menu went unnoticed for four days, until Rossi sat down at the coffee table to eat his twenty-cent staple.

At first, says Rossi, the menu’s faux-old-world-Italy font first attracted him “out of curiosity.” It was after turning to “Cucina Classica,” or “Classic Cuisine” that Rossi began to imagine his noodles were actually lasagna.



The imaginary substitution quickly turned to nostalgia. When the 23-year old encountered “La Griglia,” or “The Grill,” the grilled pork tenderloin marinated in extra-virgin olive oil and rosemary “totally reminded [him] of mom’s cooking.”

It was at this point that Rossi looked down at his noodles in weak broth and heaved a long sigh.

“It just made me think, like, what the fuck, you know?”

Rossi said that, upon graduating in May, he plans to “go all out” at the Olive Garden.

“Or maybe even Red Lobster,” he said longingly. According to Rossi, the restaurant’s free biscuits are “chronic.” brrreeeport krugle