.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
January 12, 2006

UT Starbucks Brings Back "Fucka Latte"

By Billy Pilgrim, Codependent Collegian Rogue Editor

(Toledo, OH)—Although the Starbucks on the University of Toledo’s Bancroft Campus has always generated substantial revenue—even by corporate standards—manager Nick LoBianco decided to bring back a blockbuster coffee this month: the Fucka Latte.

“We’ve enjoyed tremendous success here at UT since day one,” LoBianco candidly shared in a phone interview earlier this week with the Codependent Collegian. “This addition really had nothing to do with profits; it was simply a matter of maintaining our reputation for outstanding service and exotic brews. And what could be more exotic than a quickie with your cup o’ joe?”

The move has clearly enraged many UT organizations, such as the Campus Crusade for Christ, which has decried the decision as a “supreme distortion of beverage vending.”

However, some faculty members have hailed this new offering as a triumph of free markets and American ingenuity.

Business professor John Unger was particularly optimistic about the Fucka Latte, and mumbled “oh, sweet, sweet capitalism,” between deep, guttural moans as he received service from sophomore Brenda Thompson, who works part-time at the UT Starbucks from 4-9 p.m. on Tuesday and Wednesday evenings.

“I’m glad Starbucks is giving back to the UT community,” Unger added minutes later after he composed himself. “After screwing us for $5 coffees and $3 cookies, it’s about goddamn time consumers climbed on top.”

Comments: Post a Comment



<< Home
Copyright 2007, Codependent Collegian ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Codependent Collegian ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Codependent Collegian ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Codependent Collegian ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?