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January 28, 2006

Student Ponders Underwear Dilemma

(State College, PA) Penn State University sophomore Greg Haller woke up this morning to find himself facing quite a predicament.

"I got up and realized that I had not done laundry in two weeks, and I was completely out of clean underwear," he said. "My palms started to sweat, let me tell you."

Haller, tormented by childhood maternal scoldings about underwear and ambulances, had to make a decision.

"It was yesterday's drawers or nothing at all," he said. "I had no other choices."

It finally came down to the vagaries of a coin flip.

"Heads won out," said Haller, staring away from reporters. "I am wearing yesterday's whitey tighties."

A gasp of collective horror rocketed around the room. Haller paused and then continued.

"Hey man - if I have to ride in an ambulance today, I would rather they think I am a slob than some kind of pervert with no drawers," he said. "Besides, I sprayed them with a little deodorant to kill the funky rankness, OK? It's all good."

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