January 4, 2006
(Los Angeles, CA) Vladimir Yarnov, professor of chemical engineering at UCLA, was recently awarded a Hanes Fellowship for his pioneering work on missing sock theory. Yarnov's research showed a direct link between the disappearnce of socks from clothes dryers and simultaneous reductions in energy consumption by the machines.
"Essentially, dryers consume the socks as fuel," said Yarnov. "During the petrochemical transduction phase, energy in the form of released hydrocarbons is transferred from the sock to the dryer."
Yarnov's team is still working out the details of the transference mechanism. The group, however, believes that sock with holes are particularly vulnerable to fabric evaporation.
"Sock holes represent a systemic breech that is exploited by the addition of energy from the dryer," said Yarnov. "Once the transduction begins, no force on earth is capable of stopping it."
Yarnov believes that the theory has applicability to other fields.
"We believe that the fields of corporate accounting and government finance will make use of instantaneous matter transduction theory," he said. "Both disciplines explore various phenomena of unexplained disappearance of material assets."