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January 18, 2006

Pluto Probe Delayed Again

Special to the Codependent Collegian

(Cape Canaveral, FL) NASA canceled today's launch of the US space agency's first Pluto probe after mission-control headquarters in Maryland lost power, officials said.

"It was important that we have backup systems, because that dog is gonna freak out and knock a lot of shit over when we probe him," said a NASA spokesman. "Christ, I know how jumpy I got when my proctologist checked my prostate last year. WHOOOEEE!"

The agency hoped the problem would be resolved in time for the next launch window on Thursday. NASA has until February 14 to get the probe operational.

"We think he might have worms, because he has been dragging his ass on Mickey's carpet," said the spokesman. "However, every time someone would try to get a look, the bastard would snap. We had to call in reinforcements to get the job done."

Disney officials declined to comment, but a source off the record said that Pluto is "doing well for someone with severe rectal itching."

Poor Pluto.
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