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January 27, 2006

Grad Student Wonders If Penthouse Forum Letters Should Go On CV

(Madison, WI) MFA candidate Brian Scheuermann says that he has invested "a lot of time" producing fictional letters for Penthouse Forum, and that he would hate to see his efforts go to waste. To that end he is considering to add these compsoitions to his curriculum vitae.

"If they were just the usual jack-off bullshit I would even consider it," said Scheueremann. "However, many of these were written with an eye toward brilliant dialogue and picturesque settings."

Scheuermann said that he has been published "dozens" of times in the soft-porn magazine.

"It seems that I really found my niche writing these things," he said. "I take a lot of pride in my work."

Schueremann provided a sample for the Codependent Collegian:

Dear Forum,

I live in Hollywood where I am one of the many out-of-work actors competing for his big break. Believe me, work is hard to come by out here. Without a good job, chicks are hard to score, too.

One time I took a job cleaning inground pools. It was a good way to keep my great tan and to see how the truly wealthy lived. Most of the time the people weren’t even home. I doubt they swam in the damn pool either but my paycheck always cashed and I had free time for acting auditions.

One time I was cleaning a pool in the hills and the owner was around. She was an older woman, probably in her early 60’s. She looked pretty good for her age in a way that money helps. It was a hot day and I wasn’t wearing a shirt while I worked. She sat inside the house watching me. I first noticed her looking while I was getting chlorine she was in the kitchen looking out the window. Later when I was cleaning the bugs out of the filter I spotted her looking at me from the sun room.

"Yeah, that was one of my best," chuckled Scheuermann, adding that his work is "90 percent" autobiographical. "I bet you can figure out what happened next, too. That old lady was a real tomcat, let me tell you."

That's probably the best gig going for an MFA writer in George Bush's America...I'd put 'em on the CV if I were you, Brian...
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