.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
January 25, 2006

English Prof Promotes Grammar To Thwart Teen Sex

Left: BJU students shown not fucking in new campus flyer

By Billy Pilgrim, Codependent Collegian Rogue Editor

(Greenville, SC)—Marty Clemons, Assistant Professor of Composition at Bob Jones University, became very concerned last year when he saw a “disturbing increase” in the promiscuity of his students. This semester, Clemons is confident he has found the antidote for the love bug: grammar.

Clemons—like all of his colleagues—is a devout Christian, and strictly adheres to BJU’s mission which “stands without apology for the old-time religion and the absolute authority of the Bible” (www.bju.edu).

“I’m the first to defend our liberal arts approach to higher education,” Clemons remarked in an exclusive phone interview with the Collegian. “And we’re very progressive in the classroom, to be sure. But our students pay $20,000 a year for something more here at Bob Jones: sexual proselytism.”

Some of Clemons’ proposed activities include Semantic Olympics, Etymology Jeopardy!, and a Friday Night Semicolon Club.

“Our students need to re-assert their faith, now more than ever,” Clemons stressed. “Why should they smoke a joint and sixty-nine to a Styx record when they can study double-negatives in regional dialects?”

Comments:
does it really work?
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, Codependent Collegian ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Codependent Collegian ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Codependent Collegian ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Codependent Collegian ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?