.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
December 27, 2005

Opinion: If Derrick Must Suffer, Then So Shall You

Guest editorial by Derrick Lingenschnauffer

If Derrick must endure the complete incompetence of his local postman, who insists on putting the neighbor's mail in Derick's postbox, then you must be prepared to handle the look of contempt Derrick gives you when you see him in the Starbucks.

If Derrick must accept that his girlfriend is "way too tired to go out on Thursday," then you must deal with the fact that Derrick has taken two parking spaces and blocked you in at the Circuit City.

If Derrick must listen to the shouts of children as they invade his yard, when all Derrick wants to do is study in peace, then you must be patient with Derrick as he dials your number at three o'clock in the morning and hangs up after a single ring.

If Derrick is not granted an extension by Professor Hodgekiss, then you will be subject to Derrick's flatulence, which he could abate by simply limiting his intake of raw vegetables.

If Derrick has the misfortune of tripping over a crack in the pavement, then you will have to select another bathroom stall, for Derrick's urine will have been sprayed willy-nilly about the one you've opened, and quite possibly beneath the partition, also contaminating the one to your left.

Such is the order of things: if Derrick must suffer, then so shall you.

Comments: Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, Codependent Collegian ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Codependent Collegian ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Codependent Collegian ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Codependent Collegian ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?