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December 6, 2005

Counseling Center Gets New Location, Focus

Left: Interim counseling director R. Lee Ermey

(Toledo, OH) Space considerations necessitated the relocation of the UT Counseling Center to the ROTC Armory, but university officials decided to simultaneously give the Center a new mission.

Interim director R. Lee Ermey discussed his treatment philosophies.

"What these pansy maggots need is a good, swift kick in the ass," said the feisty ex-drill sergeant. "I got their 'low self-esteem' right here, at the end of my regulation boot!"

Ermey said that he considers himself a devotee of behavioralist BF Skinner.

"We spend way too much time pampering these ninnies," he said, poking a finger in the chest of this Collegian reporter. "We get 'em bivouacking on the Ottawa River for a weekend eating tree bark, and they shape right up."

Ermey believes that his techniques are effective on all known psychological disorders.

"Listen, instead of crying in their cafe mocha, we give 'em a dose of hard, cold reality," he said. "There ain't nothing that a six-mile hike with a 50-lb backpack can't cure."

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