Codependent Collegian

By: Billy Pilgrim, Codependent Collegian Rogue Editor

(Toledo, OH)—When Jim Walker and his roommate signed up for Advanced Ethics last spring, they expected an engaging, fruitful course that examined the ultimate meaning of morality, democratic law, and modern codes of conduct. What they got was Instructor Stu Mauser, who, after a harrowing divorce in 1999, has set a UT record by giving 319 lectures in a row about his ex-wife Marissa, who by all accounts is a no-good slut and backstabbing bitch.

“On the first day of class Mauser set this odd tone,” Walker recalled in an exclusive interview with the Collegian earlier this week. “While every other prof talked about syllabi and procedures, Mauser kept using weird anecdotes to explain his teaching style. I mean, the guy compared plagiarism to fucking Tony Stewart, his next door neighbor, in the hall bathroom tub.”

While many of Walker’s classmates shared his extreme discomfort after the first week, the course continued to use Mauser’s personal life as a springboard for lectures and examinations, leading many to drop the course. After midterms, Mauser has dropped all pretense of altering his pedagogy.

“It’s really kind of sad,” remarked Winifred Chapman, a Sylvania-area florist who attends UT as a part-time student. “The young man comes in very prepared—he can barely open the door he carries so many books and notes—but within five minutes he’s on a tangent about ‘negative utilitarianism and blowing someone’s brother on a Metroparks bench.’ I think he may have a drinking problem.”