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September 8, 2005

UT Student Sees Motivation Leave At Record Rate

(Toledo, OH) Sophomore philosophy major Matt Wernecke, lying prone on his dorm futon, mulled over his options in the face of a "catastrophic enthusiasm loss" in his third week of classes.

"I started out great, only skipping three classes in my first two weeks," he said, eating pizza leftover from last weekend. "Now, here it is Thursday, and I haven't attended a class all week."

Wernecke, who is taking only 12 credit hours this semester, struggled to find a reason for his inability to get moving.

"My classes are OK, I guess, and the workload is very reasonable," he said. "I'm not working anyplace right now, since I got fired from Steak-and-Shake. I just don't want to go to class."

Wernecke said that he has "read a few pages" from each of his textbooks, but he lost the notebook with his syllabi.

"I know I need to go see the professors and get caught up, but I have always been a procrastinator," he said, tossing the pizza box into a pile of trash in the corner. "I figure I'll wait until midterms, when the pressure of failing will be very high."

Wernecke's roommate, Sanjay Preterjama, minced no words in his assessment of the situation.

"This person is a total disgrace to humanity," he said, adding that he has been begging to be reassigned to another dorm. "He will not clean up after himself, he never pays for pizza, and he thinks it's OK to raid my mini-refrigerator for food. If there is a God, and He has kindness, He will deliver me from this living hell."

I was gonna post something, but fuck it.
wow, is the lack of motivation spreading?

His room almost looks like my one daughters.

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