Codependent Collegian

Left: perfectly good leftovers saved from the dumpster

(Toledo, OH) Institutional food service provider AVI Systems, which has the food service contract for the University of Toledo campus, announced a series of efforts that it hopes will encourage recycling.

"We are first focusing on food," said Bradley Amherst, director of campus operations. "Baked potatoes will be recylced into tomorrow's French fries, which will then be ground into Thursday's tater tots and mashed potatoes."

Amherst said that the "recycle first" policy will not only help the environment, but will ensure that the world's scarce food supplies will not be wasted.

"It would be a shame for there to be starving people on the planet, while some insensitive sophomore dumps an entire tray of perfectly good food in the trash," he said. "We have a crew going through the refuse containers who salvage anything still edible with a good hosing down."

One of the best menu items for recycling, said Amherst, is the daily meatloaf.

"Nobody knows what's in it anyways," he said. "We grind up whatever is laying around, baste it with ketchup, and these schmucks eat it up like filet mignon. We even mixed sawdust in a few times, and no one batted an eye."