Codependent Collegian

(Toledo, OH) Residents of Bronson Place, already reeling from the arrival of the Dexter Boyz in early July, received more bad news this week.

Calling themselves the “Webeloes,” a tough-looking bunch of delinquents marched down the street, sending neighborhood dogs into frenzy.

“I looked out my window and realized it was time to move,” said Edna Greenbaum, who has lived on the street for 30 years. “Just look at those hooligans!”

Local gangstas posing

Neighbor Sheldon Thompson agreed.

“They run in here talking about selling ‘candy,’” he said. “The police don’t do anything. These drug dealers have complete control of this city.”

“Jay B,” leader of the Dexter Boyz, said the new gang had better be careful.

“They think they bad? We’ll show them who’s motherfucking bad,” he said. “My 9mm gonna show them and their bitch-ass merit badges.”

Toledo Police chief Mike Navarre said that the gang force task unit will be reinstated to meet the new threat.

“We have zero tolerance for lawless gang-bangers,” he said. “This criminal crew is going down. Hard.”